One of the most common mistakes made by managers is setting things up so that employees feel they have not been listened to or "heard." Being listened to shows that you matter. Not being listened to shows that you do NOT matter. When people feel that others have told them they don't matter, they get hurt and angry. The goal is to consistently communicate in such ways that people know that you have listened to them and know you think they matter.

There are two types of listening: verbal and nonverbal. The verbal is what we are most used to thinking about, but in reality it is the nonverbal stuff that gets most of our attention. If you think about it, that makes sense. We use only our hearing to listen to words and tone of voice. We use our senses of sight, smell, touch and taste to pick up on the nonverbal part of a message. That is a four to one advantage! Because of that four to one advantage we are very well aware when nonverbal messages tell us we are not being listened to.

Here are some verbal and nonverbal things you can do to make sure the other person "knows" you are listening.

1. Make sure you are facing in the direction of the person who is talking to you. For example, don't try and watch TV and have a conversation.

2. Make sure you make good eye contact and nod your head as you listen.

3. Repeat back what was said to you. This is the simplest and most powerful way to show you were listening

4. Send back what is called an "empathetic" response, e.g., "Based on what you said it sounds like you feel ______(mad, sad, glad, scared) about that. This shows you heard the emotion of the message.

There is something worse than not listening to someone as they are talking to you--showing them that you did not take their ideas into account after you acted like you were going to. The easiest way to do this is do exactly what you were planning to do before you got their input. This usually comes about when the decision has already been made and a meeting is held just to make it look like employees' ideas are being taken into account. Your employees will figure this out and you will lose your credibility with them. Be honest with yourself. If you have already made up your mind and don't care what your employees think, don't have a meeting to get their ideas. Just tell them about your decision.

If you genuinely want employees' ideas and after hearing them decide to go with your idea, that's fine. Just be sure and let your employees know what your reasoning is by showing them how you used their ideas in your problem solving. Of course if you repeatedly get their input and your ideas get the most weight every time, your employees will start to think their ideas don't count. This may be a sign that you are fooling yourself into thinking you want others' ideas when you really don't.

Of course making decisions without taking employees' ideas into account is almost always a mistake. They just have too much information that managers don't have access to. Show them that you know and respect this fact by doing the following:

1. Set up meetings so you can get input and show that your are listening.

2. When you get their ideas, show employees how you used them in your problem solving steps.