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Editor in Chief:
Joan Caruso
Writer:
Catherine Carlozzi
Designer:
Roberta Martin
If you have questions or
comments on this
month's issue, send your
feedback to: roberta.martin@ayers.com
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Breaking the Cycle of Conflict
Typically, a cycle of conflict is triggered when someone says or does something to which you attribute a motivation. If that attribution is something negative or threatening to you, you assign blame and respond with destructive behavior—fight or flight—which triggers a similar cycle within the other person.
There are two places you can short-circuit the cycle.
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The point of perception—intervene by working on not being so quick to attribute a motivation. Once you know what your hot buttons are, work on desensitizing them.
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When a hot button has been pushed—engage in a dialogue that involves constructive behaviors; ask, don’t assume; find out where the other person is coming from; share your reactions honestly and move toward problem solving.
It isn’t easy. Attribution happens very quickly, and emotions tend to get high. The first step is to develop self-awareness through an assessment process such as the CDP. The next step is to work with a coach on a plan for developing areas that are challenging for you and find ways to support that development.
Related article:
OEC Consultant's Corner: The Dynamics of Conflict
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