What does a girl do when her boyfriend ends their one year relationship?

What does a boy do when his girlfriend ends their six months relationship?

No matter who or how long the relationship ... breaking up is hard.

However, consider these scenarios:

·        Do you know someone who calls their ex repeatedly after a break-up with the intention to make amends, ‘work things out,’ or to be cruel?

·        Or repeatedly insists on giving a personal gift to an ex?

·        Or repeatedly waits for an ex outside his/her class, job, or locations where the ex can be found?

·        Or repeatedly text messages or e-mails an ex with pleas for getting back together, endless apologies, or hurtful/threatening words?

Although it is difficult to cope with the loss of a girl/boyfriend, the scenarios given above are repeated, unwanted behaviors that fit into a definition of stalking. Even if a person’s intention is not to scare or ‘trouble’ the ex, any repeated/unwanted behaviors may be perceived as stalking.

Stalking is a pattern of behavior used to attempt to control a person through causing fear and a loss of privacy. 

In Texas, stalking is a Class A misdemeanor punishable to up to $4,000 and/or up to one year in jail unless there is a prior conviction for stalking, in which case the penalty is upgraded to a 3rd degree felony (2 to 10 years in prison and a possible fine of up to $10,000). Click here for more info about stalking laws in Texas.

Examples of stalking (can be applied to acquaintance, stranger, or intimate relationships):

• Damage properties belonging to the person being stalked
• Learning a person’s schedule with the intent to follow
• Stealing property belonging to the person being stalked
• Sending unwanted gift to the person being stalked
• Text messaging (repeatedly/unwanted) to the person being stalked                             
• E-mail (repeatedly/unwanted) to the person being stalked

Unfortunately, when stalking is ignored, it typically escalates in intensity.  Stalking is a prevalent problem among intimate relationships that have ended. 

With appropriate help and intervention, stalking can be stopped. 

If you suspect being stalked in person:

·        Save, report, and do not respond to any abusive messages or actions

·        Have someone escort you to and from your car, bus, or train

·        If you suspect you're being followed stay away from dark areas and head to a populated area or a building you know to be open

·        Carry a whistle (whistles are available at ZERO Tolerance of Violence Spring Creek Campus C226)

If you suspect being stalked through an electronic device:

·        Save records of all abusive messages

·        Consider changing user names and e-mail addresses

·        Report any inappropriate behaviors

*NOTE:  There are things a person can do to minimize the risk of being stalked. Be alert. Report any suspicious behaviors. Trust in instinct. Carrying a whistle or mace and learning self defense. All these are just some steps an individual can take to reduce their vulnerability.

Remember: Only the stalker or perpetrator can stop the stalking from occurring.

Healthy ways to cope with breaking-up:

1.      Acceptance – understanding that the dating relationship is over 

2.      Understanding why it ended

3.      Grieving and mourning the loss

4.      Directing your energies elsewhere

5.      Dealing with rejection

6.      Growing emotionally from the experience

(Self-Help Series Norfolk State University Counseling Center 823-8173)

Collin College has licensed counselors at Spring Creek/Plano, Central Park/McKinney, and Preston Ridge/Frisco campuses. Counselors will listen and empower a student with necessary coping skills to deal with relationship loss that can pose a hindrance on academic performance.

To schedule an appointment with a Collin College counselor, call 972.881.5126

For more information about Healthy Relationships, stalking, or other forms of abuse, visit:

www.ccccd.edu/zero or call Sandy Suvannachakkham at 972.881.5820.